This comes from a very personal, controversial and deep space in my life. I won’t be able to elaborate on my experiences. However, I wish to make people aware of and show them the kids perspective. Never fight in front of kids.
Disclaimer again, I am not an expert on this topic or a parent. I wish to talk on this due to personal experience related to it as mentioned in the first sentence. I would love to be honest with my blog. I mean these are experiences that have shaped me into becoming A Silent Observer. And as much I enjoy talking about positives in life and being grateful for everything in it, the experiences are something that helps me think this way or help me suggest ideas and ways.
This is for the parents who fight with each other in front of their kids often. Now try to apprehend each word and read back the sentence. Parents-Fight-in front of-kids-often. I am not talking about parents who have constructive arguments in front of their kids where they solve issues and provide the kid with a lesson on how to settle arguments. I mean everyone has a difference of opinions and disputes are inevitable, so how you display it to your child or teach your child to solve arguments amongst yourselves is vital.
When I say fight, I am thinking about body gestures, the tone of voice even violence. God forbid if you ever have such rage with your partner that you have to fight with them to make your point I beg of you to not allow your child to witness it. Or if they have accidentally, you take the responsibility of explaining to them the situation and avoid fights in the future.
woooh this post heated up too fast.
A constructive argument is an ideal way to go about conflicts, if you have them, with your partner. In the heat of the moment never forget there is a piece of two of you in one in the room. Children are already trying to adapt to this world, consume their surroundings and learn from it all to develop into a grown person. It is so so easy to ignore this simple fact and just live on with our own lives.
There can be good coming out of this. With my own experience, I can say there are chances the kid becomes independent, responsible and leans towards looking at the brighter side of things. However, it also scars them, consciously or unconsciously.
I am sorry if I have been waffling but I really hope it makes sense. I am considering the parents of minor kids, obviously because that’s the crucial foundation they grow up from to be a teenager. This is also one of the many aspects on what kind of teenager your child grows up to be.
If the environment of love at home transforms into a negative one, the child then seeks external love. One apart from their parents. It is difficult for a nuclear family but if you have grandparents or uncles or aunts or cousins at home it can be fine. However, equal love and attention from both the parents are so essential. That’s the reason why people co-parent right?
When a child sees a fight between his or her parents often, self-doubt cultivates.
Lack of confidence, lack of someone to confide in develops.
The child will lose his or her sense of security.
They question and blame themselves immediately.
In worst cases, the child is made to judge an adult. They are made to find righteousness when they don’t even understand the concept of it.
It is so easy for the people around to pity the kids of such parents. Or worse assume how they will grow up to be due to the influence.
Some children might want to escape reality and they lose the interest of many things academically or for development.
It becomes difficult for them to build a good relationship with people outside. They might grow up to have destructive relationships.
The intensity of speech or violence can rub off on the child, making them violent or think or use words in a certain manner.
I would again like to add there is so much one can learn from all this like I did and be as responsible and constructive as any other person grown up in an emotionally strong and healthy environment. But precaution is better than cure. You don’t know what the future holds and so as a parent it is best to take the right steps than risk if you are meaning to grow your child effectively.
This post might not be for all parents or kids. Each situation differs. Maybe you can’t even relate and think this is incomprehensible. But there are situations where parents might now understand why they shouldn’t fight in front of their kids in the welfare of their development. I hope every family is happy and healthy as well as being able to develop responsible humans and individuals with great values.